Subway Encounters - Just Say No Nicely!

I used to be too nice when guys would approach me, whether I found them attractive or not. I felt bad, as though I was bruising the ego of those who actually had the courage to approach me, so I would almost always give a guy at least a chance unless he's a totally unsavory character. But this has gotten really draining for me and sometimes I just don't want to be bothered. Being afraid of being perceived as a bitch was starting to weigh down on me.

So, as usual on a Friday night, I'm walking to the subway when a caramel-skinned cutie with a horribly ugly, over-sized suit on sees me and immediately says, "Hi, beautiful, I love that dress you got on!", to which I responded with a simple "thank you" and immediately walked on the subway and sat down. He followed and asked if he could sit next to me. "Do you mind if I sit next to you, sweetie?" and I replied with a simple and polite, "Yeah."
He obliged and walked away. He didn't get mad. He didn't give me attitude or try to argue with me. He simply walked away and sat down. I mean, he kept staring at me from a distance, but I was okay with that.

It was that simple! This was the dawning of something new for me; I used to be so afraid of hurting feelings that I would normally have said "yes". I even thought this guy was cute, but not my type and certainly not my style. No, I'm not shallow... completely; I like a man who knows how to wear a suit. This guy looked like an 8 year old that audaciously played dress up with his father's suit. Furthermore, I'm not in the mood to meet and get to know some new guy with whom I know I wont share a substantial a connection.

I hope, guys, that you will learn from this not to feel bad when a girl rejects you; she may think you're cute but is just not in the mood. I especially hope that this helps other girls like me gain the courage to say "no" and stop being "too nice to guys" that don't necessarily deserve it.

Ask Boy Junkie! - Female Douche Bags

"Dear Dr, Labia

Why is it that any girl, ever, who has just met a guy, would think its ok to flirt with said guy, in front of their boyfriend, and when this happens, how should said guy react (either one)? Do these girls know what they are doing to their boyfriends self esteem? Do they know wtf a pissing contest is? On a similar note, why is it, that many girls only seem to notice a guy when he has another girl with him, who is enjoying his company? Is this some kinda lesbian thing? Or is it like having a reference for an application to a job? How can a guy get a girls attention without being the band leader of a ho parade?

-Disturbed"

Dear Disturbed,

There are a few things to consider in this type of situation. The girl may not be actually flirting with you. Some girls come off that way unintentionally. If you are certain she is flirting with you then she is a douche bag, or, rather, douchette. She is either a potential cheater and has no shame in her game or is trying to make her boyfriend jealous. She knows exactly what she is doing to him and that's exactly how she wants him to feel. The actions of women in that regard tend to be more contrived and calculated than men. She knows his self esteem will suffer and, because she lacks self-esteem herself, this brings her delight. Believe it or not, a lot of women do this, unaware that they're also confusing the guys with whom they're flirting. Perhaps they have an open relationship. Perhaps he does that to her and she's acting vindictively. The boyfriend should consider writing her off. Any girl that plays games like that is dangerous. The guy being used, aka the "tool" should ignore her flirtatious advances, respect his fellow male associate and walk away. It can only lead to chaos if he lingers in hopes of scoring with some dude's girlfriend.

Most girls are competitive because they're insecure. They feel as though they have won something (validation) if they score a guy that doesn't need her (due to the plethora of hot chicks surrounding him); they find endearment in feeling as though they're better  than or have one-upped another hot chick. These girls are kinda dangerous, too, as they are mostly stimulated by negative variables. Try the old fashioned ways of courtship. Approach a girl like a normal guy. Talk to her. You essentially don't need to play games or set boobie traps. If she is attracted to you and likes what you have to say, she will reciprocate your advances.  Remember that mystery stimulates the libido.

TIPS THAT SAVE CHICKS #5

DR. LABIA'S TIPS 41-50

41.  Don't be afraid to scope out that hottie's bulge in his pants. They get to scope our goods all the time... Boobs, butt... curves. Look for that bulge. When they're big, it's exciting and creates sexy images. Guys, don't be afraid to fly commando so we can see that bulge. Mmm hmmm. Bulge. And stare hard for a while until he notices... then keep staring until he's rendered uncomfortable.

42. Text Etiquette - Give the realest person in front of you the most attention. Texting while someone is talking to you and only you, is unbelievably rude. I'm not talking about one measly text; I'm talking about having a full on back and forth convo with someone via text every few seconds. You're having two convos at once. The next time someone does that to me, I'm going to literally turn my back to them the next time they ramble about important stuff, then I will engage in a conversation with whomever else is around. Grow some fucking balls, excuse yourself and call them if it's so important. . . Stop having two conversations at once! I should totally take this advice.

43.  When you kiss a guy and he immediately opens his mouth and slips you the tongue, you can be sure that 1. he is only interested in a sexual exchange and/or 2. isn't a very skilled kisser. It's good to let the lips lock and let electricity exchange between the two of you before opening up and swapping mouth fluids. Think of the ocean and it's rhythm. Kissing dogs and frogs is gross.

44. Sexy sexy sexy rules: Wanna be sexy? Grab his "junk" in the midst of an intense hook-up and whisper in his ear and tell him how much you want it, you want it, want it. If he's more of a sadist, beg him please, please, please stop. Mmm Hmm.

45. Guys really hate razor bumps so do whatever it takes to avoid those. Some helpful tips are: Use a fresh razor every time, wax, laser(creepy), use a lot of shaving cream, rinse the razor after every stroke  and for the first day you shave, try not to wear tight synthetic fabrics, try to stick to cotton so your pores can breathe. But, on the contrary, guys need to understand that it happens sometimes and to stop imposing their impossible standards on us women. Fuck you if you think we should have to shave every day or even every other day. Fuck you if you think hairy legs and muffs are intolerable. We wish you motherfuckers could cum on command, very few of you can; do we hold it against you? Nay. Insisting that a woman should always be hairless is like trying to defy the ways of nature. You can't love women but hate their hair, the fact that they get their period, etc. You must love us not for the sum of some parts but as a whole. So stop perpetuating the cycle of self-image issues that torment women and get over it if she has razor bumps or hairy legs every now and then. I like the number 6, which means if I only like 1 and 2 and hated 3, I wouldn't know the number 6. 

46. Attention, Men!!!! Don't shave your pubic areas bare. A little trim never hurt but, DAMN! We don't want to look down and see elementary school boy parts. Scary, unattractive and weird. Bare balls are creepy. Trim, don't shave them. We want to be reminded that you're a man, thanks. While it may make your dick look bigger, it doesn't ACTUALLY make your dick bigger. Pointless, indeed. Keep a little, yes A LITTLE, hair down there and show us who the lion really is. I, of course am not speaking for all women, just the ones who makes sense. I mean seriously, what the hell is going on in your mind when your shaving your ball bare? Stop it. Now. It's okay, you might feel a little embarrassed, but Im actually saving you guys from embarrassing yourselves in the future.

47. Break-ups - When it hurts so much that you think your heart will explode, your stomach emaciated when someone fails you, fear not. This feeling will definitely vanish. What helps? Writing about it. Allow yourself to be completely vulnerable. Sit in your sanctuary and bare your soul to yourself. I write songs, poems, shorts, blogs and it seriously works wonders.

48. Sex Etiquette - Don't ever let a guy cum on your face. Ever. Seriously don't. He'll get over it even though he's a little gross for wanting to in the first place. You're better than that. Love your face. Love yourself.

49. It's quiet on myspace. I still love myspace and I will always have one. I like decorating my page but on facebook, you can really interact with the people that matter most. As much as I hate admitting this, face book is better. There. Ugh. I said it. Don't tell anyone, though.

50. Driving and texting or talking on the phone offenders are still running rampant and it's making me a little sick. I imagine the regrets that will be expressed when you find your car totaled, your passengers dead, and you, crippled. I really hope it was worth responding to asinine conversation that just couldn't wait. You think you're safe. You think you're good at it. Everyone seems to share this delusion of invincibility. Get real. This shit is no joke! People could actually dieeee. And we don't want to dizzie yet! 

TIPS THAT SAVE CHICKS #4

DR. LABIA'S TIPS#31-40

31. Phone sex is lame lame lame! I'm so not about it. There's nothing more awkward than talking to a little voice in a little phone and saying stuff that you think is sexy. You're listening to a little voice in a little phone and touching yourself. But back up and step out of yourself for a moment, think about how silly you both really sound and look... Kinda embarrassing, right? No matter how sexy the voice, the person on the other end, the words cumming out of your mouths are, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY HOOKING UP. I tried to do it a few times but feel bad admitting that I wasn't touching myself and didn't get off. I even pressed mute to laugh a little. I just can't take you seriously... sorry.

32. If a girl wanted you and knew that you would have her, then you would have her. If you don't have her, it's because she simply does not want you. When we like someone, we don't want to waste time and risk losing him to someone else. We will simply let him have us.... with a little game-playing, of course. So take the hint, it's not cryptic.

33. Attention guys! when a girl sends you sexy picture of her, whether you thinks it's her best shot or not, reciprocate by telling her how smokin' hot she is (especially if it was YOU who asked her to send one). It'll only help you out in the future; she'll suck you off that much harder, she'll be more enthused about pleasing you, she'll feel good about herself, she'll send you more pictures. Don't you understand that you, too, benefit from doing this? Give her the reassurance and stop being so damn dense.

34. Stop gender on gender hate! I am so utterly sick of guys getting all pissed off when I show up at a party with a guy friend. We all know it's hard for girls to be friends, what the hell are we supposed to do!? Invite our non-existent girl friends? Not show up? And why should I have to come alone just because you don't know enough girls? You shouldn't want to be the last guy on Earth just to get a girl. What does that say about you? Are you scared of a little competition? You don't know any girls except her and her? Damn. You're throwing the party; it's your responsibility to create gender-balance. Not ours. Besides, we don't mind sausage-fests anyway. More meat for us to choose from. Sorry.

35. Douche Detective says, "If you want to talk to a girl, approach her. Do not summon her from a distance like a master calling his dog and expect her to come running. " It's rude, slightly cowardly, yet cocky. What gift do you think you are to women? If you're not willing to put forth the effort to, say, cross the street, walk a few steps, or perhaps venture over to her bar stool, you're a lazy douche and don't deserve any girls time.

36.Douche Detective says, "If a guy asks for your number right away ( immediately before or after getting your name) and doesn't know a damn thing about you, he obviously just wants to bang-bang you." What he's revealing is that he is not interested in who you are and doesn't really want to get to know you. He's revealing that he probably asks every pretty girl for her number and that his standards, as far as personality goes, are drastically low. He's a serial digits collecting douche, a perpetual tail-chaser. A hollowing waste of time.

37. You know that violent circular motion that you guys do when rubbing the clitoris? You know, that thing you see chicks do to themselves in porn? You know, you sometimes do it when you're inside a girl to double the pleasure? Well, it sucks and we hate it. Stop. Please. You're drying us out. You're numbing our 'clitori'. You have indicated that you watch too much porn and use it as sex 101. Not sexy. Please, for the love of God, stop. You're killing us. No more parched pleasure points! Stop veegee violence!

38. Stop using friends to fill your voids then tossing them out when you (finally) find romance. Ditching your friends just because you found a new girlfriend/boyfriend is sad. It screams co-dependency. I know the butterflies and giddy gumdrops are like a whirlpool of delight that you want to fall into and get sucked in, but when you completely forsake your friendships with those closest to you, you look like an ass and imply that your friends aren't worth the 5 minutes a week to call back to say hello and show that you give a crap about how they are doing. Omg, you finally found someone; time to hold on tight like a fucking baby that finally found it's mama. You're selfish, needy and lonely. Balance! Have you self-centered assholes heard of that? What's worse is when you come running back when you get heart broken or when your lover is out of town. You are a co-dependent leech and don't deserve such loyal friends. Shape up and start treating them better before they forsake you for good. You will realize, when you're all alone again, that it wasn't worth it.

39. If you have a boyfriend, ladies, please don't stalk his chick friends! It's such a desperate and feeble attempt to claim some sort of control over your insecurities and your man. You are humiliating yourself when his unsuspecting friend gets a random add request from you on her private facebook, myspace, etc. It's obvious that you want to lurk on the potential comments he might have left her or to compare yourself to her. It's unproductive. Be strong. You shouldn't have to do that to keep your man faithful. I promise, you will save face if you accept and deal with the mystery. Chances are you will stumble on something that will freak you out, even though it probably means nothing. I bet you she doesn't even like your man.. stop it, please. Lurker!

40. Wash your Hands before touching vagina - It's really gross to see when a guy doesn't ever wash his hands after using the restroom or ever, then tries to touch your privates. You might as well drag your hands on a bathroom floor and then stick your fingers in us. C'mon, guys. The vagina is sensitive. Wash your hands before putting them all over the us, please? It's the classy thing to do. Eww... think about all those germs on your hands and now you're going to put them in us?! Yucky and inconsiderate. Help keep the veegee clean!

Hunters and Women

HUNTERS AND WOMEN Part un
"The Subway Cop"




I met a cop on the subway. He was kinda cute. I was sitting all by my onesies, writing up a storm in my comp book, waiting for the subway to move. A cop walks in, and by cop, I mean subway cop and I'm not sure how that works. Anyway, he, while all was silent in the cabin, approached me and asked my name, told me I'm pretty and cute and that he has been wanting to talk to me for sometime now. By the way, I ride the redline subway every Saturday to go to work at a night club Downtown so this guy probably saw me every week and finally mustered up the courage to talk to me. He asked for my number. Something I didn't want to give, but how can I reject a puffy chested, pretending to be confident, subway cop in front of the entire cabin of people who were all watching and or listening? I didn't have the heart to reject and embarrass him like that so I gave him the digits.
A few days later he sent me a text that read: Hi.
I replied: Hi. Who is this?
His answer: The cop. (Awkward, right?)
The following day he sent me another: What are you doing?
I replied: Eating lunch.
He then wrote: When do you work?
My response: every Saturday
His response: So when can I see you?
I replied: Um, I don't know how to answer that.
Cop: Why?
Me: I don't know, too much pressure I guess... I think you're supposed to assume the male role instead of putting the ball in my court like that.
Cop: I thought we lived in the year 2009 not 1809
ME: Yes but you 're the one who asked me for my number. You're the one text initiating. Asking me when you can see me is bestowing a burden upon me; I now have to tell you when and where you can see me. Men should be hunters and I stand by that.

He didn't respond. I don't really know why that annoyed me. I mean I am totally OK with the idea of women approaching guys I guess, but there's something way hotter about doing it the old school way. I am certain that most women want their men to be hunters! And I know it's hard for men; they say they like when girls approach them because it's so much easier. But doesn't that, on a subconscious level, cause emasculation in said men? If women weren't such bitches to guys that hit on them, they wouldn't fear approaching awesome, friendly chicks like, oh, say me or my best girl, Caca, for example. I beg you bitches to stop being so mean when rejecting guys!

Mr. Copster is so not a hunter. OK, buddy, you had the balls to ask for my number in front of a massive group of nosy people, but you don't have the balls to call me? You don't have the balls to directly ask me out? Now it's my turn to chase you? Something about this guy screams baby dick. And what's this "The cop" crap!? The cop?! Are you kidding me? I am not even sure he qualifies as one. Furthermore, I find something wrong with the way he phrased that. He could have said that he's the cop that met me at the RedLine the other day. Like he's thee cop? What if I'm a cop junkie? How does he know that I don't have other "cops" texticating me from random numbers throughout the day?
Hunters are hot. They have the edge. I will hunt, too, believe me, but I need my man to be a man, thanks. I'll have my man with extra man, please?