41. Don't be afraid to scope out that hottie's bulge in his pants. They get to scope our goods all the time... Boobs, butt... curves. Look for that bulge. When they're big, it's exciting and creates sexy images. Guys, don't be afraid to fly commando so we can see that bulge. Mmm hmmm. Bulge. And stare hard for a while until he notices... then keep staring until he's rendered uncomfortable.
42. Text Etiquette - Give the realest person in front of you the most attention. Texting while someone is talking to you and only you, is unbelievably rude. I'm not talking about one measly text; I'm talking about having a full on back and forth convo with someone via text every few seconds. You're having two convos at once. The next time someone does that to me, I'm going to literally turn my back to them the next time they ramble about important stuff, then I will engage in a conversation with whomever else is around. Grow some fucking balls, excuse yourself and call them if it's so important. . . Stop having two conversations at once! I should totally take this advice.
43. When you kiss a guy and he immediately opens his mouth and slips you the tongue, you can be sure that 1. he is only interested in a sexual exchange and/or 2. isn't a very skilled kisser. It's good to let the lips lock and let electricity exchange between the two of you before opening up and swapping mouth fluids. Think of the ocean and it's rhythm. Kissing dogs and frogs is gross.
44. Sexy sexy sexy rules: Wanna be sexy? Grab his "junk" in the midst of an intense hook-up and whisper in his ear and tell him how much you want it, you want it, want it. If he's more of a sadist, beg him please, please, please stop. Mmm Hmm.
45. Guys really hate razor bumps so do whatever it takes to avoid those. Some helpful tips are: Use a fresh razor every time, wax, laser(creepy), use a lot of shaving cream, rinse the razor after every stroke and for the first day you shave, try not to wear tight synthetic fabrics, try to stick to cotton so your pores can breathe. But, on the contrary, guys need to understand that it happens sometimes and to stop imposing their impossible standards on us women. Fuck you if you think we should have to shave every day or even every other day. Fuck you if you think hairy legs and muffs are intolerable. We wish you motherfuckers could cum on command, very few of you can; do we hold it against you? Nay. Insisting that a woman should always be hairless is like trying to defy the ways of nature. You can't love women but hate their hair, the fact that they get their period, etc. You must love us not for the sum of some parts but as a whole. So stop perpetuating the cycle of self-image issues that torment women and get over it if she has razor bumps or hairy legs every now and then. I like the number 6, which means if I only like 1 and 2 and hated 3, I wouldn't know the number 6.
46. Attention, Men!!!! Don't shave your pubic areas bare. A little trim never hurt but, DAMN! We don't want to look down and see elementary school boy parts. Scary, unattractive and weird. Bare balls are creepy. Trim, don't shave them. We want to be reminded that you're a man, thanks. While it may make your dick look bigger, it doesn't ACTUALLY make your dick bigger. Pointless, indeed. Keep a little, yes A LITTLE, hair down there and show us who the lion really is. I, of course am not speaking for all women, just the ones who makes sense. I mean seriously, what the hell is going on in your mind when your shaving your ball bare? Stop it. Now. It's okay, you might feel a little embarrassed, but Im actually saving you guys from embarrassing yourselves in the future.
47. Break-ups - When it hurts so much that you think your heart will explode, your stomach emaciated when someone fails you, fear not. This feeling will definitely vanish. What helps? Writing about it. Allow yourself to be completely vulnerable. Sit in your sanctuary and bare your soul to yourself. I write songs, poems, shorts, blogs and it seriously works wonders.
48. Sex Etiquette - Don't ever let a guy cum on your face. Ever. Seriously don't. He'll get over it even though he's a little gross for wanting to in the first place. You're better than that. Love your face. Love yourself.
49. It's quiet on myspace. I still love myspace and I will always have one. I like decorating my page but on facebook, you can really interact with the people that matter most. As much as I hate admitting this, face book is better. There. Ugh. I said it. Don't tell anyone, though.
50. Driving and texting or talking on the phone offenders are still running rampant and it's making me a little sick. I imagine the regrets that will be expressed when you find your car totaled, your passengers dead, and you, crippled. I really hope it was worth responding to asinine conversation that just couldn't wait. You think you're safe. You think you're good at it. Everyone seems to share this delusion of invincibility. Get real. This shit is no joke! People could actually dieeee. And we don't want to dizzie yet!
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