Am I Addicted to Sex and Love?

I must admit that I enjoy Googling random words; often ones that involve relationships, sex, love, etc. because the stuff I find is often amazing. Recently, I stumbled upon a website called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.). I knew there were programs for people addicted to sex, but not to love; I didn't know that it was possible to be addicted to something so abstract. They offer a 12-step fellowship for men and women to help each other stay "sober". The people of S.L.A.A insist that the addiction to love and sex is an actual disease or, rather, a progressive illness that cannot be cured, but "arrested". The essential problem shared among addicts of all sorts is a powerful obsession and compulsion that creates interference in one's life, family, career, and sense of self-respect. My first question was why there aren't any vaccines for this treacherous disease.

My second question, like most people,regarded my position in the matter. They have a questionnaire on the website that consists of 40 questions for self-diagnosis. I began to question myself. Am I a sex addict? Well, I'm not a whore; never have been; I've always been a good girl when it comes to sex. I've kept myself generally scarce and particular about who I sleep with. I don't believe in casual sex. Of the 2 times I experienced it, one pissed me off because I didn't know we were having casual sex; I thought we had 'something' brewing for quite some time before even venturing into the realms of sex but was wrong; the other was an experiment to see if casual sex was for me. The answer was obviously no. And the sex? Obviously bad. I want a strong mental connection and a mutual acknowledgment of a committed relationship before spreading my legs.

Moving on... Am I addicted to love? Well, judging my last couple of relationships, I am probably more addicted to hate. Hah! Well, I do like love, but I do fine without it as long as I have good friends, family and cats. I do fine without it as long as I am productive and focused on improving myself. I mean, of course I find myself lonely at times when I don't have a boyfriend or cuddle buddy. When I'm in love, I sometimes do foolish things. But don't we all? My personal conclusion leaned toward no, I am not a love and sex addict. I'm a love and sex lover, but there's obviously a difference. After an amateur self-evaluation on the matter, I proceeded to click on the '40 Questions for Self Diagnosis' link. Here are a few of the questions asked (picked randomly):

Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?
--Well, I've had sex at inappropriate times in "inappropriate places", like on the beach on a lifeguard tower when I knew the possibility of getting caught. I wouldn't say any of my partners were inappropriate... except for maybe one.

Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your life bearable?
--I believe it can contribute to making life bearable as long as there are other qualities in my life that are fulfilling. Then, it becomes more like a cherry on top.

Do you believe that someone can "fix" you?
--I don't even believe psychologists can "fix" me nor can anyone else for that matter. I believe the only person that can "fix" me is me.

Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love relationship or without sex?
--I sorta do. I think that if love relationships didn't exist, we would all be ice-cold assholes. But, I do believe that life can still have meaning. Look at monks and nuns, etc; their lives seem to be filled with meaning despite the build-up of cobwebs and miniature tumbleweeds in their sex organs. The point is, everyone wants a relationship at some point or another, and those who don't, usually want sex on some sort of regular basis; as long as we aren't completely miserable without those things or sabotaging our lives as well as the lives of others to attain it, we should be fine.

Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about sex?
--There have been moments when I couldn't stop daydreaming about an amazing sexual encounter I had while maybe at work or school or whenever. Like the first time I reached an orgasm from having oral sex performed on me. It's generally impossible for me to climax from oral but this one guy really knew what he was doing; he dedicated much time down there and before I knew it, I was helplessly moaning and twitching. It was so damn amazing, I mentally repeated it for days, causing spurts of arousal and moist moments. I stand by the idea that there is nothing wrong with that. It's hot. Sexuality begins with the mind anyway.

Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?
--Heck no! I'm spiritual but sex never affects that aspect of my life. In fact, I think that it's my spirituality that helps my sex and romantic life.

Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?
--I have found myself "crushing" on a person, not obsessing. It's fun to have crushes, but not to the point of stalking or obsessing. It can sometimes bring cravings for that person's tasty arse, but I suppose that's what masturbation is for, hah!

Do you need to have sex, or "fall in love" in order to feel like a "real man" or a "real woman"?
--I know I'm a real woman. A real ass W-O-M-A-N. I think that whomever I become involved with becomes closer to a "real man" though. ;-)

Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
--I once did. Not due to the frequency or the fantasies, nor the places in which I do it; it's more about the "props" used. The thing is, I don't use any "props". What bothered me about my masturbation style was the fact that it was all mental. I would lay back and think of a really hot scenario (one that has happened, one that should happen, or perhaps one I have seen happen) and I visualize it. This goes on for only a few minutes until I successfully reach my orgasm. It's what I call hands-free mental masturbation but is also known as the imagery-induced orgasm. I used to think I was a freak until I did some research and discovered that 2% of women are like me in that regard. I heard that even Lady Gaga has the same sexual uniqueness. It's apparently a rare thing, but isn't unhealthy; in fact, I now see it as a blessing. If you or anyone you know has the "power" to engage in hands-free mental masturbation, refer them to : http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/GESUND/ARCHIV/SEN/CH19.HTM#b5-ORGASM AND http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2007/01/72325 AND http://www.springerlink.com/content/t5147852511621h1/ AND HERE.

Does your sexual and/or romantic behavior affect your reputation?
--No. I mean, I don't really know. What I do know is I have been called a sexual creature since grade school, but was always very prude and innocent. It has been said that I might exude a sexual energy though. I was one of the last girls to lose my virginity of all of my friends (18 years old) and have had minimal sex partners since. It's not easy to get me in bed. But I have a suspicion that I may send the wrong signals to people, which undoubtedly causes them to misread me and my actions, especially when I'm drunk. I like to see myself as a free spirit.

Do you have sex and/or "relationships" to try to deal with, or escape from life's problems?
--Yes, relationships, at times. And some people resort to T.V; others, food, drugs, alcohol. I don't have sex to fill the void but I have succumbed to a few relationships because I wasn't wanting to face myself or my life. Everyone has their own escape. I often escape in writing poetry or music or even reading when life hands me lemons (sometimes I just add vodka and make life hand me a lemon drop martini). A little escaping is okay with me, as long as lucidity is always maintained, be it on the back burner or not.

Do you find yourself flirting or sexualizing with someone even if you do not mean to?
--No, I find that some dense, meat-head, pompous, douches think I'm flirting when I clearly am not. I have seen this with many women; we're acting normal, loving life and ourselves, interacting with a guy whom we think may be just a friend or cashier or waiter or customer. It's the bonehead guy that mistakes a pretty smile and a witty remark for a sexual advance or flirtatious pass.

Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?
--Once. I still am not completely over this person but I know that he is all wrong for me. After years of on-again/off-again bullshit, I've officially had my fill. I now realize that there is a superior match out there to be made. I simply cannot keep subjecting myself to his cruel and vindictive ways.

Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you've had?
--Not at all. I am clearly aware of the amount of men I have slept with. It's not a high number. But believe me, there are couple guys I'd looove to lose track of and delete from my memory bank as regrets ensued from the sucky experiences I had with them (Kruger and Dick especially).

Do you feel that you don't want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities?
Hmmmmm... seeing as I blog about my sex and romantic life pretty much answers that question. I like privacy, but it's fun to share. I'll never reveal any one's identities or personal information, but I am happy to share my experiences with the world. Only a thick-skinned man could accept that, which is why right now I don't have one.

I can't help but wonder, shouldn't there should be a celebrity gosssip addicts anonymous featuring the makers, employees, watchers and readers of TMZ? Or reality show addicts anonymous or myspace/facebook/twitter addicts anonymous and so on...? I'm just saying...Anyway, I'm not sure how I feel about the questionnaire; I didn't really get a clear self-diagnosis as I can't possibly answer those questions in simple yes/no form. But I found the opportunity to introspect fun and informative. I definitely wont be admitting myself to S.L.A.A. anytime ever, but I wish luck to those who feel they need it. I think that one should know if their love of sex and/or love is interfering with their lives. But check out the site and see where you measure up.

Sex. New Clothes. Rock n roll.

One sucky thing about moving out of state is dealing with all of that crap you gotta take with you. I wish I could ditch all of my clothes and buy an entirely new wardrobe in New York. I'd hit up places like H&M for sure. I freaking love them and wish I could afford to shop there as soon as I land. Well, I'll just have to find bad ass, hot clothing brands that are hidden in thrift shops. I've actually found H&M stuff there before. What a score. Forever 21 is a pretty chill place to get cheap jeans and tops. Their accessories are cheap, but will fall apart almost immediately. Maybe I should think like a monk or nun and give the majority of my belongings to the Goodwill or Salvation Army. I would feel a lot better about parting with my stuff under those circumstances. What's funny is that I could very well end up buying my stuff back eventually, if it were to somehow get distributed to other thrift stores. Hah!

I love buying new clothes because when I wear them I feel new, sexy, confident and what borders on elated. There's something about going out to a party or event in a new get up for the first time! Ahhh! It's amazing. Those are the nights that the boys really seem to flock; you know you look sexy, you radiate even more sexy glow and somehow men pick up on it and become drawn to you like moths to a flame or fruit flies to rotting fruit. Mmmm...
And then you get over the newness eventually and the cycle continues....
Oh well, such is life I suppose....

I've noticed that when I buy new underwear, things happen; Sexy things. When I'm wearing a Victoria's Secret g-string or some American apparel or H&M panties, I feel sexy and sexual. Sometimes I get aroused in public, thinking about how my new chonies are hugging my butt just right and how damn good they look and how someone should see this. It especially happens when I'm exchanging flirtation devices with a handsome fellow. If both the alcohol and the handsome fellow are in the equation, hold me back. I am a good girl, but I don't want to have to make my way to bathroom to dry my excitement off the new panties. It's best to steer clear of the hot-bots when I feel the need to frolic in my new butt huggers. Maybe I'll save that for Dick. He'd enjoy that.

New York, Sex and Moving In With the Ex!?

So... I'm a Los Angeles native about to move to New York. I have always wanted to live in New York but never really had a place to stay while job and apartment hunting. Uprooting myself with very little cash is intimidating. However, after being there so many times over the course of several years, I've grown quite comfortable with the city. I've gotten lucky there many times as far as business, modeling and marketing endeavors. Furthermore, I have established some pretty good connections that have led to the opportunity to live there with some friends of mine, including my "ex" boyfriend. So it would be an understatement to say that my upcoming living situation will be "interesting".

Oh, my ex.... My sweet, handsome, intelligent and insane ex-boyfriend; we still have a strong connection and an addictive chemistry but I do worry about how well he and I will get along. See, he offered me his room to share (rent-free) until I get a place of my own. While all of my friends said it would be disastrous, I accepted his generous offer as it seems like one I shouldn't refuse.
Not only will it be hard to adjust to my new life out there; I will have to maintain harmony between us.

He's an English major, musician, pseudo yuppie living in Brooklyn and is way too smart for his own good. Hyper aware of human errs and flaws of the world, he's generally "socially retarded". He's aware of his superior intelligence so it often blinds him when he is wrong; his emotions conflict with his intellect which causes an often maudlin me to go abnormally postal.

His name? I wish I could tell. I'll call him "Dick" since I absolutely love his dick, because often he can be a really big dick and, like dicks, he can be a real fucker. Dick is my polar opposite; tall, white, lanky, blond, robotic, reserved, a left brainer. Yet there's a quiet poetry about him; a unique charm, a deep, tender core that captures my heart. Let's not forget the sex! I love it. He knows how to be a hunter. Something all men should be... at least more men these days (We'll talk much more about the hunter/nester quotient later).

Along with his stellar qualities, which I could go on about, he possesses some scary ones that cause my friends and myself to worry. He's spiteful, cold, domineering, hypocritical and tightly wound (These are but a few). I've decided that I will accept the challenge and make the best of it as long as I keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel: self-sufficiency, independence and success.

I am technically single. I know not exactly what will happen when I get there but I'm willing to remain open-minded and open-legged. Hey, a girl like me has needs, too. If I can roll over in my bed and do the hottie lying next to me (the one who knows how I like it), why the hell would I meander around town looking for some new guy to waste my time? But as it stands I am totally single.

As an L.A native, I still have connections and unresolved business with certain guys I've previously dated.
There is one in particular, "Jack Bandit", that I have liked for a few years now. Jack Bandit is a witty, handsome, guitar instructor and a San Fernando Valley resident whose idea of a good time is watching Extras or The Office and sharing a good laugh. He has a big, honest heart and can share misanthropic views as I. He looks something like Christian Bale. Yum.

We dated a short while. We stayed friends all the while(with the occasional make-out), and there is still an attraction. We've only had sex once; it was for a few seconds because... Well, he hadn't had sex in quite a while so he was ready to bust his nut immediately. I absolutely don't hate on him for that. It's understandable for men if they haven't had sex in a while. But for what it was, it was good and showed promise that it could be great if we had another go at it. Due to various circumstances and distractions, it never happened again.

I can't help but ponder; should I have one last stab at it with Jack Bandit before I move? Or should I keep myself scarce until I'm in NYC with my ex?

Introducing Dr. Labia

Okay, I know "Dr. Labia" is a strange name to go by. But it’s something my friends and I find quite amusing. My actual name is Talibah (Tuh-lee-buh). I met a girl at a party who fancied calling me “Ta-Labia (Tuh-Lay-bee-uh)" and I found it quite clever and funny. I’m certain I thanked her for such a charming nickname despite my being heavily intoxicated and her attempt to poke fun at me. The name stuck and somehow manifested into "Lady Labia", "Dr. Labia" and "Lady Laybs" or good ol "Ta-Labia". I don't go by this name every day; I thought it would be a fun pen name. Make sense now? Good. Now that you understand the origin of my name, let us move on.

Face it. I love love. I love sex. I love boys (err-men). I love relationships, dating, socializing, flirting and matchmaking. MOST importantly, I LOVE giving advice and talking about these topics!

If I’m not doing it, I’m talking about doing it, how I’ve done it, how you did it, how it should be done, how others do it and so forth.

I realized recently, after giving a girlfriend of mine advice on the d-bag boys in her life for the millionth time, that I should be doing this on a larger scale (getting paid to do it wouldn’t hurt either). I have a male friend, "Full on Kevs", I call him; he asks me for advice on women as well. Soon, I looked around me and realized that virtually all of my friends seek my insight and open ears or just flat out enjoy conversing with me about the ups and downs of love, sex, life and everything in between. What is it about me, you ask? Well, I have raging hormones, a widely open mind, am a keen analyst and, well, charm only helps. Not tooting my own horn here; I'm simply acknowledging my gift of gab, accessibility, eccentricity and strong sense of empathy. It seems as though I create an atmosphere of comfort in which most find it easy to open up. Then I thought, why shouldn’t I go global? I suppose for now, I’ll start one blog at a time.