Subway Encounters - Just Say No Nicely!

I used to be too nice when guys would approach me, whether I found them attractive or not. I felt bad, as though I was bruising the ego of those who actually had the courage to approach me, so I would almost always give a guy at least a chance unless he's a totally unsavory character. But this has gotten really draining for me and sometimes I just don't want to be bothered. Being afraid of being perceived as a bitch was starting to weigh down on me.

So, as usual on a Friday night, I'm walking to the subway when a caramel-skinned cutie with a horribly ugly, over-sized suit on sees me and immediately says, "Hi, beautiful, I love that dress you got on!", to which I responded with a simple "thank you" and immediately walked on the subway and sat down. He followed and asked if he could sit next to me. "Do you mind if I sit next to you, sweetie?" and I replied with a simple and polite, "Yeah."
He obliged and walked away. He didn't get mad. He didn't give me attitude or try to argue with me. He simply walked away and sat down. I mean, he kept staring at me from a distance, but I was okay with that.

It was that simple! This was the dawning of something new for me; I used to be so afraid of hurting feelings that I would normally have said "yes". I even thought this guy was cute, but not my type and certainly not my style. No, I'm not shallow... completely; I like a man who knows how to wear a suit. This guy looked like an 8 year old that audaciously played dress up with his father's suit. Furthermore, I'm not in the mood to meet and get to know some new guy with whom I know I wont share a substantial a connection.

I hope, guys, that you will learn from this not to feel bad when a girl rejects you; she may think you're cute but is just not in the mood. I especially hope that this helps other girls like me gain the courage to say "no" and stop being "too nice to guys" that don't necessarily deserve it.

Ask Boy Junkie! - Female Douche Bags

"Dear Dr, Labia

Why is it that any girl, ever, who has just met a guy, would think its ok to flirt with said guy, in front of their boyfriend, and when this happens, how should said guy react (either one)? Do these girls know what they are doing to their boyfriends self esteem? Do they know wtf a pissing contest is? On a similar note, why is it, that many girls only seem to notice a guy when he has another girl with him, who is enjoying his company? Is this some kinda lesbian thing? Or is it like having a reference for an application to a job? How can a guy get a girls attention without being the band leader of a ho parade?

-Disturbed"

Dear Disturbed,

There are a few things to consider in this type of situation. The girl may not be actually flirting with you. Some girls come off that way unintentionally. If you are certain she is flirting with you then she is a douche bag, or, rather, douchette. She is either a potential cheater and has no shame in her game or is trying to make her boyfriend jealous. She knows exactly what she is doing to him and that's exactly how she wants him to feel. The actions of women in that regard tend to be more contrived and calculated than men. She knows his self esteem will suffer and, because she lacks self-esteem herself, this brings her delight. Believe it or not, a lot of women do this, unaware that they're also confusing the guys with whom they're flirting. Perhaps they have an open relationship. Perhaps he does that to her and she's acting vindictively. The boyfriend should consider writing her off. Any girl that plays games like that is dangerous. The guy being used, aka the "tool" should ignore her flirtatious advances, respect his fellow male associate and walk away. It can only lead to chaos if he lingers in hopes of scoring with some dude's girlfriend.

Most girls are competitive because they're insecure. They feel as though they have won something (validation) if they score a guy that doesn't need her (due to the plethora of hot chicks surrounding him); they find endearment in feeling as though they're better  than or have one-upped another hot chick. These girls are kinda dangerous, too, as they are mostly stimulated by negative variables. Try the old fashioned ways of courtship. Approach a girl like a normal guy. Talk to her. You essentially don't need to play games or set boobie traps. If she is attracted to you and likes what you have to say, she will reciprocate your advances.  Remember that mystery stimulates the libido.